As the shows progressed, Iyanla made a point to speak to the women. She wanted to assess their state of mind. She wanted to get to the root of their issues. She wanted to understand how these women could allow themselves to get involved with a man who had so many children prior to meeting them. She wanted to understand how one man was able to romance his way into their hearts and disrupt all of their lives.
On the “reunion” episode with the mothers of Jay’s children, Iyanla made a very powerful statement to them as well as the other women in the audience. She said, “You are NOT a victim and you have NOT been victimized.” WOW!! What a powerful statement? How many of us have been living our lives as victims of our circumstances? How many of us feel victimized by our family and friends? How many of us are guilty of expressing victim type thoughts (i.e. He left me to raise these kids by myself; He left me for my best friend; Everybody hates me, etc)? All of these statements allow us to play the role of victim in our lives. They allow us to wallow in self-pity and are often used to get people to empathize with us.
Iyanla’s statement cut me to the core. It really made me sit down and think. Have I been living my life as a victim and not a victor? My faith teaches me that Jesus has overcome the world and in Him I am victorious. Although I know this to be true, I really had to look deep within myself to find the answer to this question. It made me consider whether or not I was actually living up to my faith. It made me question if I really believed what I said I believed. How can one statement be so profound that it can cause me to look at my life in such a different perspective? It was literally eye-opening.
I will admit that I have been guilty of making such statements. I have even played the victim a time or two. However, what I have learned is that I had to let go of that type of thinking and replace it with something more positive. I also learned that I have to take responsibility for the role I played in the things that have happened to me. I have come to realize that everything that I have been through in my life is designed to teach me a lesson and to lead me closer to my purpose. Most importantly, I have to start speaking and living like a victorious person.
What would happen if you stopped looking at your life through the eyes of a victim? What would happen if you chose to speak life over yourself and your situation? What would it take for you to start living a victorious life? Remember, your life is your testimony so live it victoriously!!!
Tonya D. Zeigler