She was a divorced, single mom. And like many other divorced women, she had come out of her divorce feeling insecure, unsure and afraid. She felt insecure in her ability to ever find anyone else to love her, unsure that she could actually make it on her own, and afraid of her unknown future, and the possibility that she would remain alone for the rest of her life.
So imagine her surprise when men started reaching out to her…old friends searching her out on Facebook, new friends introducing themselves to her in the grocery store and the gym. Of course, this new attention boosted her confidence and made her feel better about herself. She started talking to men on the phone, texting, chatting on Facebook, etc. all under the guise of “friendship and support”. She started entertaining conversations with men she knew had a wife at home or were otherwise in a committed relationship with someone who surely did not think their man was establishing an outside relationship with another woman.
So when she met a man in her office and had become friendly with him, she did not think anything of it. In her mind, they were just colleagues. They started out stopping by each other’s desk to ask about their weekends, then moved on to grabbing a quick bite to eat at the company cafeteria, then on to meeting with a group of people for happy hour after work, and finally, on to meeting alone for a drink after work. The next thing you know, they were sharing stories about where his current relationship was lacking and how boring or nonexistent his sex life was. To her, he was no longer a married man, but had become a fine, sexy man who is not having sex with his wife. All of a sudden, they had accidentally fallen into an affair. But was it really sudden? Was it really accidental? It wasn’t sudden because the stage was slowly being built as their interactions became more personal and more frequent. It wasn’t accidental because at any point, they could have/should have stepped back to see where that relationship was going. And could have/should have nipped it in the bud before it got out of hand.
Long story short…she woke up one day and asked herself…”What the heck am I doing????” She had allowed herself to become the type of woman that she hated…the woman she blamed for participating in the death of her marriage. The woman who will settle for a piece of someone else’s man because she does not feel that she is worthy enough to wait for a man of her own.
My only contribution to the bookstore conversation with the stranger was the food on someone else’s plate always seems more appealing than the food on your own plate. Sometimes women put their need for love and affection above the needs of others. If we thought about how our actions would be affecting the household of another woman or family, maybe it would cause us to pause long enough to make a better choice…one that does not involve getting romantically and sexually involved with a married man. What are your thoughts? Let’s talk about it! -dcf