A good friend of mine said something to me one day that has stuck with me ever since.  I had been complaining to her about something that was going on in my life at the time.  It wasn’t the first time I had come to her about this same situation (or at least one similar to it).  So when there was a pause in the conversation, she said “Girl…nothing changes if nothing changes”. I sat there silent for a minute, processing what she had just said to me. Then it hit me…like a ton of bricks.  How can I do the same thing over and over again and expect different results?  I should already know the outcome.  It’s like reading the same book and expecting a different ending.

Imagine you’re in the store with your children and they are misbehaving.  You threaten them by saying “if you don’t stop, then we are not going to get ice cream when we leave”.  Before you leave the store, you have continued to tell them to “stop running!”, “put that down!”, “don’t hit your brother!”, “let go of your sister!”, sounding like a broken record. Then, on your way to
get ice cream, you lecture them on the proper way to behave in the store. So it should be no surprise to you when the next time you go to the store, they are running, yelling, hitting each other, running under the clothes, etc. What incentive do they have to behave?  The last time they acted a fool in the store, they got ice cream. So why would you expect them to behave
differently?

In this day and age, we’re always on a diet, in a boot camp, watching our weight, etc. We
know that we are not living our best, healthy lives, but we continue to make poor food choices such as choosing not to exercise, and sit in front of the TV…all day.  Then we wonder why
diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease are running rampant amongst our
family and friends.  We want to do better, but don’t take the necessary steps to make a change. We continue to eat what we’ve always eaten and do what we’ve always done. So why are we in shock when the doctor tells us we have diabetes? What did you expect?  It’s only so long that we can abuse our bodies and expect them to continue to work for us. Unless and until we change our view and behavior towards the importance of diet and exercise, we will continue to see the same results.

Many women are so fashion conscious. We’ve got to have the latest fashions worn by all the famous people on the reality shows. As soon as we see it on TV or in a magazine, we have to have it.  Even if it means we pay our bills late consistently as we “rob Peter to pay Paul”.  We’re living paycheck to paycheck and receiving visits from the Repo-man.  Not because we have to, but because we feel we need these material things.  What message are we sending to our children?  Are we teaching them to grow up and do the same thing?  It’s a never-ending cycle.  

Why do we do the same things over and over again and expect a different result? Why do we not value ourselves enough to say “No…enough is enough!”? “No” to the child who wants a treat but has not shown that they deserve it.  “No”, to the fried food and super-sized meals that clogs our arteries and takes us from our families far too soon.  “No”, to the designer shoes and handbags that we purchase instead of paying our rent, utilities, and car notes.

Bottom line is, if you want a different outcome, you have to change the story…change the
rules.  Remember…nothing changes if nothing changes.
What do you think?  Let’s talk about it…   -dcf

“I spend way too much money on my hair to be sweating it out!”  “I am not trying to mess up my hair!” “Washing my hair is a pain!”  Does this sound like you?  Are these the excuses you use to keep from working out?

Heart disease, AIDS, diabetes, and breast cancer are some of the major health issues affecting women.  It’s important that we do everything we possibly can to live a healthy lifestyle including watching what we eat and getting the proper amount of exercise.  Many studies have shown that some of these diseases and/or the complications from these diseases can be prevented if women would monitor their food intake and exercise 30 minutes a day, three to five times a week.   I already know what you’re thinking.  Exercise 30 minutes a day? 3-5 times a week?  What about my hair?  Well, what about it?  Is looking good really worth more than being healthy?

Recently, the 2011 Bronner Brothers Hair Show was held in Atlanta, Georgia.  During the hair show, Dr. Regina Benjamin, Surgeon General, gave a presentation regarding women failing to exercise because of their hair.  One of the things that she pointed out was that during her  travels around the country, she kept  hearing  the same comments from women of all different races and ethnicities – blacks, Hispanics,  and older white women to name a few.  “I spent $50 to get my hair done and I don’t want to be exercising afterwards.” During her presentation, “she cited two studies  published in the American Journal of Public Health that examined why fewer than 30% of minority women in the United States get the recommended level of exercise.  The reasons were  lack of time followed by ‘economic constraints, major life changes or traumas, safety issues, weather and the environment, the hassle of personal care such as showering and keeping hair looking good’.” 

I will admit it.  I have used my hair as an excuse not to exercise.  I would say things like, “I sweat in my head too much,” “I don’t have time to wash my hair everyday,” or “I am going to wait until I get my hair braided to exercise.”  Now that I am almost forty and fabulous, I have decided that it is time that I get serious about my health and stop making excuses.  I have taken the plunge and joined a gym.  I am happy to say that I have already lost 3 lbs and am on my way to a healthier me.  What is it going to take for you to get on the road to good health?

Ladies, what’s really important here: your hair or your health?  Is there a way to have the best of both worlds – good looking hair and good health?

Tonya D. Zeigler

Webster defines forgiveness as the act of forgiving. This suggests that “something”, an act, must be completed in order for forgiveness to happen. For years, I’ve found this act to be extremely difficult and was unsure of how to engage in the act often referred to as forgiveness. I didn’t mind holding on to a grudge or what some may call un-forgiveness. I often felt as if letting go of what hurt or offended me would actually benefit that other person, but what I found myself doing was holding on to baggage that would ultimately weigh me down.

It’s easy for me to tell someone to open up and talk about their issues, their heartaches, their pains, their BAGS!  Just like most things, talking about baggage is easier said than done.  So today I’m going to lay it all on the line and talk about my bags.

 The Punching Bag is by far the heaviest bag I ever had to carry. Until I was about 9 years old I was raised in a home that was riddled with domestic violence. The abused was my mother at the hands of my father.  On a good day she’d get a fist or two in, or maybe even start and win the fight.  I was always emotionally drained and torn over who to love and whose side to choose, if a side was to be chosen. Someone had to be blamed for the violence and even though my father was WRONG, I blamed my mother.  So how has this bag affected me? It’s difficult for me to trust, I never wanted to get married, as a teenager I was combative and today I carry with me the potential to be verbally abusive.  It takes an act of God, at times, for me to take the high road because the low road comes naturally.

The Grab Bag is that woman raised without a father. Mine left when I was about 10 years old, so yes that one belonged to me too. I was always looking at other fathers and their relationships with their children, desiring something that was clearly not destined for me.  I spent years longing for a relationship that would never come. It took some time and a discussion with a friend for me to realize that I wasn’t the only one and that I could be and feel whole without that relationship.  When I look at the behavior of other women who carry this bag, I’m so glad this one was short lived with me.  Relationships with men don’t define who I am as a woman, God has already done that.  I released The Grab Bag quite some time ago.

The Money Bag was mine too. I’ve been broke, bankrupt and without a financial clue.  My financial troubles came at my own hand so there was never anyone to blame but myself.  If I was big enough to blame myself, I was big enough to forgive myself. I let that part of me go.  I’m older and wiser and consider each dime before it’s spent. If this is you too, know that if you lose some things in this life, you can rebuild.  Losing your mind in the process of losing material things just isn’t worth it. 

The Medical Bag is mine, and it’s one that I need to let go. My husband is a disabled veteran and I always place his needs before my own.  I have children whose health comes before mine and I’ve spent time caring for other family members even when I didn’t feel well myself. After a trip to the ER this year, I acknowledged that the Medical Bag belongs to me. Now that I’ve owned up to owning this bag, I’m working at making sure my health needs are met.  I’m slowly but surely letting it go!

The next bag I held probably drove my entire family crazy, it’s the Computer Bag. I’d work all day, go to school at night, and fall asleep with books in my face and the computer in my lap.  With three and sometimes four small children in the house, you could hear a pin drop because everyone knew that mommy was working and not even daddy was allowed to make a sound! I’ve let this bag go as well and learned how to put my family before work.

 As a woman, you may be afraid to admit that you have bags.  You may be afraid to admit that they helped shape who you are today, but I’m not. I will tell you what I am afraid of. I’m afraid of holding on to hurt, guilt & shame. I refuse to live in a state of un-forgiveness.  Life has taught me that forgiveness is for me and not for the offender. Forgiveness helped me to take ownership of my life and helped me to move on. Forgiveness has kept me from beating myself up about all of the HUGE mistakes I’ve made. 

If you decide to carry anything with you from what you’ve read above, I would hope it’s forgiveness! Always forgive others and forgive yourself.  The next time you take a look in the mirror repeat these words, “Forgiveness Is For Me!”

The definition of FORGIVE transitive verb 1a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult> b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt> 2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon <forgive one's enemies. Definition of FORGIVENESS: the act of forgiving

MMB