As a child, I often found myself daydreaming about my future.  I wanted to be a pediatrician, be married by 25, have 2-3 kids, a house with a porch where I could read a book and sip on lemonade, and a Mercedes E320.  My life was going to be so grand!  Never in a million years did I think that I would be a single parent of one child, almost forty, and not married nor have any prospects.  What happened to my dream?  How did I end up on this road?  It seems that all of the things that I had envisioned for my life somehow abandoned me. 

As a child, I was excited about life and all it had to offer; but somewhere along the way, my view of life changed.  The excitement that I once had was gone.  What happened to all of my hopes and dreams?  What happened to my zeal for life?  How did my heart become so heavy?  Why has life placed all of these obstacles before me?  What happened to ME?

When you were growing up, I’m sure you had dreams too.  As things happened in your life, you probably found yourself asking those same questions.  Sometimes we let all of the negative experiences that occur in our lives to overtake us.  We often believe that our past defines us.  We allow others to dictate to us who we are supposed to be and we never take the time to really discover who we really are or what we really want to be.  We fail to understand that we should use our past experiences to propel us to a brighter future. 

Do you have a dream that has gone unfulfilled?  If so, what is keeping you from pursuing your dream?  Is your past holding you back? If so, what will it take for you to stop looking back and begin to look forward?

As women, we can no longer sit idly by and continue to live unfulfilled lives.  It’s time to let go of the past and start life anew.  You can do anything you want to do.  The only person holding you back is you. 

Ladies, don’t you think it’s time you start living life FREE (Forgiven, Renewed, Encouraged, and Empowered)?   Let’s talk about it.

Tonya D. Zeigler

Do you give your children cough syrup so that you can get a little peace and quiet? Do you hide out in the bathroom so that you can get 5 minutes alone?  Do you use your children to get out of social obligations?  Do you sometimes wish you can go back to how your life was before you became a mother?

Recently, TODAY Moms and Parenting.com conducted a survey of 26,000 moms.  In the survey, they asked moms to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets about being a mother. 

Here are some of the findings of the survey:

·        Nearly 1 in 5 moms admits medicating their children to get through a special event;
         nearly 1 in 12 medicate to just get some peace and quiet on a regular night
·        85% of moms use their kids to get out of social obligations
·        Nearly one in three use work as an excuse to avoid taking care of the kids
·        44% would rather be 15 pounds thinner than add 15 points to their child’s IQ
·        52.6% would rather have a night of uninterrupted sleep than have mind blowing sex

The truth of the matter is being a mother is a full time job.  When you add work, community, and church obligations into the mix, then it becomes overwhelming.  One mother in the survey wrote, “People frequently remark that I seem to have everything ‘so together.’  I don’t! I find myself crying in the car on my way to work because I am so overwhelmed.”  Another mom commented, “I honest to goodness do not like my son most of the time and knowing that KILLS me.”

Does this sound like you?  Can you relate to the mothers in the article?  Are you overwhelmed with your mommy responsibilities?Ladies, it’s time to confess.  What is your deep, dark mommy secret?  When motherhood becomes too much for you to handle, what are some of the things that you do to get yourself back into the swing of things?


Here is the link for the article:

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/08/09/7318658-whats-your-deepest-darkest-secret-moms-confess-in-our-survey
 
Tonya D. Zeigler

A child’s death messes up the natural order of life and death.  No parent expects to bury their child. A mother expects to raise her child, watch them grow into adults (possibly having their own children), and then leave them behind when they die to carry on their legacy.  I imagine there is no pain like that of a bereaved parent. I believe that a mother never really gets over the death of a child. Whether that child is an infant, a toddler, a teen or an adult…there is something unnatural with a child predeceasing their parents. That parent grieves forever…it becomes a part of who they are, affecting the head, the heart and the spirit.

I recently heard of a woman who lost her child to a terminal illness.  She found out when he was around 9 years old, that he was sick, and he would not have many years left to live. Does it make it easier when you already know that your child’s life expectancy is shorter than normal?  I doubt it. Only a mother who has lost a child can truly understand what another mother is going through as she grieves and mourns.  For the friends around her who only want to help and want to ease the hurt, what can they do?  How can any human action or human intervention soften the dagger in your heart that appears when your child dies?

Being a mother myself, every time I think about a child dying, I want to cry.  I literally have to hold back the tears.  I can’t even imagine the hurt and grief that this mother is feeling right now. I’m sure her friends want to do some thing for her, but what? Sending flowers or plants doesn’t seem like enough. You can pray for them, but another thing you can do is…listen. Be there for them if they need you. Understand that they will go through an array of emotions, most of which you will not understand.  Do not be judgmental and tell them that they should “be over it by now”. They will never get over it.  Emotions can move from grief, to fear, to resentment, to anger or to a host of other emotions.

Parents feel conflicting emotions.  On the one hand, they want the pain of grief to end, but on the other hand, they want to hold on to the memory of the child who died. They are afraid to let go of the grief for fear of letting go of the child.  Individual parents may grieve differently.  Some may cry often, while others may just want to spend time alone. 

How do we move beyond the death of a child? I have never experienced this devastating tragedy, nor am I an expert, but I believe there are no rules or “proper etiquette” for grieving. You have to find a way to get through…not over…your grief. Get strength from your spirituality or your religious beliefs…pray.  Give yourself permission to cry…permission to be angry. Allow yourself to grieve and mourn because to grieve and mourn is to heal.  Healing does not mean forgetting. Do what feels right for you. Don’t worry about how other people think you should be handling the situation. It’s a journey…and I imagine a long, arduous journey.  It’s important that you verbalize your feelings.  Talk about it or write about it in a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be your first step towards healing. Start with just 5 minutes a day…then 10.  The next thing you know, you are on your way through the storm. These are just some of the things to help you continue to live after the death of a child. You have to find a way to keep living…even when you don’t feel like it. Healing is around the bend. What do you think?   Let’s talk about it.  -dcf