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Alone or Lonely?

1/26/2012

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Is there a difference in being alone and being lonely?  For me, there is a distinct difference.   Being alone means spending quality time with myself.  During this time, I can reflect on my life, treat myself to a movie, read a book, or pursue some other passion of mine.  Being lonely is more of an emotional state.  It is an overwhelming feeling of sadness, feeling like no one cares, feeling that there is a void in my life that is not being fulfilled, or a feeling of discomfort.

Most of the time, people often confuse being alone and being lonely.  We all need our alone time.  We need this time to think, to dream, to face our fears, and to discover who we really are.  However, loneliness comes from a much deeper place.  It is something that we feel on the inside and can overwhelm us at times.   Loneliness can occur even when we are in a relationship with someone.  

Think about it.  Has there ever been a time when you were in a relationship with someone and no matter how much time you spent with them, there were moments when you felt lonely?  I’m not talking about the times when you wanted to be alone and have some “me” time.  I’m talking about the moments when you felt lonely even when your significant other was in the same room with you.  It seemed like there was this huge void that you did not know how to fill. Why do you suppose you felt this way?

For me, being lonely in a relationship is worse than not being in a relationship at all.   At least, when you are not in a relationship, you can understand where the sense of loneliness comes from.  However, when you are in a relationship, the sense of loneliness is a little more difficult to understand.  You do not always know where the feelings of loneliness are coming from.  Is it that your significant other is not paying you enough attention?  Is it that your significant other does not really listen to you?   What could it be?  Why do we sometimes feel lonely even when we have someone to love and spend time with?

 How can someone overcome these feelings of loneliness?  Should they continue to stay in the relationship or should they leave?  Ladies, what do you think?

Tonya D. Zeigler
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